Essay Changes

Over the past 2 weeks I have received feedback on how to improve my essay further, in terms of areas to cut out of the essay, areas to elaborate on and areas which need re-phrasing. This feedback was from Dom during my tutorials as well as my mum as she is a psychologist- she was useful as I discuss cross-cultural psychology and design psychology in the body of the essay.

The yellow highlights are areas that Dom mentioned either need cutting out or re-thinking. These areas were discussing more about art and design in general rather than graphic design, so they were quite irrelevant/not as impacting towards my actual question which focuses on graphic design and culture.

The comments below were made by me and my mum when going through the essay together, it is useful to get feedback off Dom as well as others as not everyone is a graphic designer so an outsiders view is interesting to see whether they can understand what my arguments and theories are.

Furthermore, some of the cultural appropriation areas that I discussed were more about cultural sensitivity and misappropriation. So further research was needed on the differences in order to get this correct and making more sense.

Furthermore, I have made these changes now and will send Dom the improved draft before moving forward into further areas of the essay. I think it works better for me to get feedback as I go along and write the essay as a flow rather than writing different chunks and then piecing it together- as the structure get's a little confusing and doesn't follow as well when doing this.